Monday, September 28, 2009

Happy Birthday! Have you considered increasing your life insurance?

I am officially a pioneer. Since September 24th (my birthday) I have been LIVING the days of ’47 and will do so for another 361 days (unless I expire prior to the big 4 Dozen!)

I spent my happy birthday working my brains out in Elko, NV.

One thing you don’t want to see, first thing in the morning, on your birthday:

(this is from an actual email I received ON my birthday from the AICPA)

“You only have a few more days to increase your CPA Life coverage, issued by The ... Insurance Company of America, for the October 1, 2009 Plan Entrance Date! Act now and make sure your family has the financial protection they need to help maintain their lifestyle in case you die...

...Increase your term life coverage now...

...Remember, if you were to die, your CPA Life Plan benefit can help pay for expenses such as…”

On. My. Birthday.

Why didn’t they just send an executioner? Nothing says “Happy Birthday” quite like “Hey, you might die.” Hallmark, they ain’t.

What delightful birthday greetings have you received?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

If your thoughts had a voice...

I waited in line behind a multi-earringed, amply-tatooed, young dad at the grocery store yesterday. Yes, it sounds judgmental and, yes, I was being that way. He had his little boy with him, who I guessed was about three or four. As the checker was slower than my son doing the dishes, and I’m nosier than your next-door neighbor, I listened in on the conversation. It went something like:

Dad (in kind gentle voice) “No, put that back.”

(child grabs at the ball)

Dad (still using nice tone) “No, we can’t buy it.”

(child hikes himself up on counter)

Dad (carefully tugging him off the counter) “It’s time to go.”

(child reluctantly following Dad, asking one more time)

Dad (kindly, but firmly taking his son’s hand) “Remember, we have soda pop at home?”

(child tries to get away mumbling unintelligibly) “I want blah blah blah”

Dad (still patient) “We have soda pop at home, from your party yesterday, remember?”

I was so impressed. This man exhibited more patience to his child than most mothers I’ve seen, including me. They moved slowly enough that I could hear this entire exchange and I was thinking this dad deserved some kind of Good Example award. Then the child spoke once more, clearly and loudly: “Dumbass.”

Hmmmmm. You don’t always hear what you expect.

At work today, I overheard an employee talking about the horse psychic she had seen and talked to. She was very happy about the news that the horse she wanted, wanted her too.

Horse psychics. Once again, I heard something I did not expect.

Hmmmmm. Since horses and donkeys (asses) are members of the same family, and both are technically “dumb,” I’m thinking that this horse psychic could have a whole new clientele if she hung out in grocery stores and listened in on people’s conversations like I do.

Of course, she would probably already know what they were thinking. Another upside is that people are more interested in their futures than horses are anyway, so there would be a bigger demand. Not to mention they might actually pay.


According to Wikipedia, “The wild ancestor of the donkey is the African Wild Ass.”

According to me, I may have just sighted the “Albertson Dumb Ass.”