Monday, September 24, 2012

Happy Birthday - You're Halfway Dead!

Today started out happy, jolly & nifty
I woke up alive on the day I turned fifty

My parts are still working though some are quite droopy
My jammies are clean and my sheets are not poopy my mind’s kind of loopy

My teeth are my own and I’m telling the whole truth
(Except for two implants, ten crowns, & gold bling tooth)

I got discount coupons for half-price hearing aids
Colonoscopy offers that make me afraid

Then the Diet Coke Fairy decided to come
With a HUGE Diet Coke in a super-size drum

I picked up a straw and attacked it with zeal
After 63 tries I realized it’s not real

I turned my attention to the big Hershey’s kiss
Another fake cut-out, now I’m feeling quite pissed amiss

Then I find bite-sized chocolate to calm down my nerves
And a six-pack of Diet Coke with Coke-bottle curves

Forget about ears and intestinal masses
It’s clear to me now that I really need glasses

Half-a-century old might mean I’m half-way dead
But I woke up this morning ALIVE in my bed!