Saturday, December 26, 2009

Bootcamp with Jess - The End...or is it?

My six-week-self-inflicted-torture-at-a-bargain-price BootcampwithJess has ended.

What, you may ask, are the end results?

Let me share—

1. Tonnage lost--.0045 (a.k.a. 9 lbs)

2. Millimeters lost – 152.4 (6 inches)

3. Times I wet my pants—0 (actually, it Depends)

4. # of pushups for infractions—200 (plus or minus 120)

5. # of actual instructors impaled, blown up, shot, run over, beaten, or disposed of by me during the 6-week period—0

6. # of incidents mentioned in #5 imagined by me during the 6-week period (I plead the 5th, on the grounds it definitely would incriminate me)

7. Number of Diet Cokes I consumed in the first 3 weeks—0

8. Number of Diet Cokes I consumed in the last 3 weeks—more than 10, less than 100

9. Number of man-pushups I can do without stopping—40

10. Insanity factor (on a scale of 1 to 10) of those who sign up for an initial 6-week journey to Helk-and-back and pay for the privilege—9.781564298

Insanity factor (on a scale of 1 to 10) of those who re-sign up for it, knowing what they are getting into—11.29837492

All—or most—kidding aside: It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

I am officially insane. I inked up for the next six weeks. I loved it. And hated it. I must have more…

Here’s to my friend, Amy Jo, who has bravely consented to join with me during the next journey to HELK—you can do it!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

This week at bootcampwithjess has been a big blur. I still have a pulse and am not in traction so that is good.

Today I went to the 6 a.m. session. Dear Diary—you know I am allergic to early mornings, but I missed the Tuesday workout to drive to Elk Snout and needed to make it up.

I met a new friend. Her name is Endorphin. She only stopped by for a few minutes, but she is mighty persuasive. She told me I should sign up for the next session and start going at 6 a.m. every day.

My friend Diet Coke is kind of ticked off at me for considering it.

There is a raging battle ensuing—I just know it.

Pre-battle scene:

Endorphin thinks I can do better

Diet Coke thinks I am fine the way I am

I’m not sure who’s right. Maybe my older sister is on target, and I am STUCK ON STUPID!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Back at BootcampwithJess

I’m baaack!

After being gone to not-so-sunny California for a week, I re-entered the world of bootcampwithjess.

There is a new exercise I did tonight. You hold a 20-lb weight ball above your head, and with all the force you can muster, you slam it into the mat on the floor and see how high it bounces. 20 times.

Instructor R incited the rage within when he yelled, “Take out your frustrations. Throw it down hard, Ferran!”

I used my imagination. I imagined that 20-lb ball was something that really frustrated me. Here are three things that I imagined that ball to be…and boy, did my energy unleash!

Oh yeah! My new favorite exercise.

A few highlights from my trip:

1) On the rental shuttle I noticed that my socks were brown and my pants and shoes were black. It was dark when I got dressed. Changed my socks in the parking lot.

2) I got lost trying to drive out of the rental car parking lot. I went round and round. When I realized the dude in the turban watching me was the attendant at the exit, I finally found my way out. He said, “I saw you go by. I knew you’d be back.” At least my socks matched.

3) Needed my security blanket having to stretch so far out of my comfort zone—paid $3 for a 20 oz bottle of Diet Coke and loved every burning ounce of it.

4) Found out quickly where they put the auditors—in an abandoned outbuilding with no heat and no bathroom. Good thing I only drank one Diet Coke.

5) My friendly host CFO acted as my driver for an evening and following morning. Another auditor scare tactic—Mario Andretti meets Lady GaGa. She raced down the freeway applying her makeup. Not. Kidding. Here is the actual photo from the scene. (You can’t see the car, because she is driving THAT fast!)

6) I forgave “Mario GaGa” because: a) I didn’t actually die, and b) She found my iPod Shuffle that I lost and is sending it back to me.