Tuesday, February 16, 2010

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

Last Sunday I stopped by my friend's house to bring her a little treat because she was feeling down. After saying goodbye and running down the stairs, I had a moment...

Trip! Splat! Swear!

So much for my new, white $3 Walmart shirt--driveway marks all over the sleeve.

My friend couldn't stop laughing--oh, she tried, but she failed. I just wanted to write her a Thank You note and let her know how I am doing:

Dear Karen,

I am doing fine after the nasty trip and fall on your property. I’m glad you liked the cookies.Thank you for your friendship and concern. I have learned many things from you:

1. Your driveway is hard and unforgiving
2. You were too late with the helmet
3. No good deed goes unpunished
4. The brownies were delicious
5. A true friend lies in the driveway with you until you can get up
6. At least I didn’t lose any teeth (which means my super powers are still intact)

P.S. What are the limits on your homeowners’ policy?

A couple of photos for your scrapbook:

Friday, February 12, 2010

Well....I Never!

I had a lunch meeting with a prospective client recently at one of his favorite restaurants—a Thai place. I had to swallow my fear of the food—as well as some of the food, itself. It was tough, because I am the pickiest eater I know. Condiment-free, vinegar free, pepper-free, flavor-free—that’s me!

I confessed to the client that I’d never had Thai food before. Mistake? Maybe.

I also admitted I’d never been skiing before (Yikes! I’ve lived in Colorado or Utah for 40 years). Considering the client is a winter sports equipment retailer, I may have made another mistake.

I feel justified. I can see myself like a 1970s Barbie doll—legs won’t bend, they’re pulled opposite directions, they break off right at the hip. Snap. Duct tape, Velcro, or super glue ain’t gonna fix a problem like that. And I can prevent it—no skiing for me (snow or water).

The client’s expression hinted at pity. No Thai food. No skiing.

Don’t judge me.

There are lots of things I’ve never done. For instance, I never…

Got acrylic nails (I did poke a straight pin through one of my nails to see how tough a finger nail really is. They really aren’t that tough, and there are a lot of nerve endings in the nail bed).

Ate a snail (I caught my son salting snails on my front doorstep one day watching them shrivel. I also paid my daughter a penny a snail to chuck them over the fence out of my back yard. She earned about a dollar that day. I guess I could have added my own butter and saved myself a buck!).

Went to jail (Although multiple family members have multiple times—but they got three square meals a day, a free toothbrush, and the streets were a little safer for awhile).

Had to make bail (I let the afore-mentioned family members wait it out and tell it to the judge).

Was ridden out of town on a rail (However, I was kicked out of the flea market in Cancun because my sister was too cheap, and I look and act a lot like her).

Nails, snails, jail, bail, rail…apparently I’m ail-ing today.

What have you never done?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Shameless promo...Keep reading!

It’s here!

I have my sweaty, chubby fingers gripped around my newest book: Life’s Alphabet Soup: When Your Children Make You Eat Your Words

A glimpse at the back cover blurb:

“Terri Ferran might not be the world’s best mother, but she just might be the mother with the best stories.

For years, Terri balanced a professional career with the demands of raising six kids and almost became completely unbalanced in the process. Now she brings a fresh take on parenting and a double dose of hilarity to Life’s Alphabet Soup: When Your Children Make You Eat Your Words. Inside you’ll find all kinds of motherly wisdom. For example:

HOW TO GET YOUR CHILD TO STOP RAIDING THE COOKING JAR: let her eat all the cookies she wants one day and then see if she can make it through the night without tossing them up.

HOW TO UNITE THE FAMILY IN A COMMON CAUSE: organize a rat-killing party in the backyard.

HOW TO GET YOUR HUSBAND TO PULL WEEDS: become an accidental neighborhood charity case.”

You get all this, and more, in one easy-to-read volume.

Be the first person on your block (or in your mind) to get your signed copy! Come and see me at Barnes & Noble in Sandy, this Saturday from 1-4 pm. Can’t make it then? Come to Costco in West Valley on Saturday, Feb 13th from 11-4 pm. You don’t have to stay the whole time…unless you’re behind in your shopping like I am. Or your idea of lunch out is the samples at Costco. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to entertain you. At least that’s what my children believe…

It's also a great Mother's Day gift...or Valentine's Day gift...or birthday gift...or "Buy a Book for yourself" gift...the list goes on...