Friday, February 12, 2010

Well....I Never!

I had a lunch meeting with a prospective client recently at one of his favorite restaurants—a Thai place. I had to swallow my fear of the food—as well as some of the food, itself. It was tough, because I am the pickiest eater I know. Condiment-free, vinegar free, pepper-free, flavor-free—that’s me!

I confessed to the client that I’d never had Thai food before. Mistake? Maybe.

I also admitted I’d never been skiing before (Yikes! I’ve lived in Colorado or Utah for 40 years). Considering the client is a winter sports equipment retailer, I may have made another mistake.

I feel justified. I can see myself like a 1970s Barbie doll—legs won’t bend, they’re pulled opposite directions, they break off right at the hip. Snap. Duct tape, Velcro, or super glue ain’t gonna fix a problem like that. And I can prevent it—no skiing for me (snow or water).

The client’s expression hinted at pity. No Thai food. No skiing.

Don’t judge me.

There are lots of things I’ve never done. For instance, I never…

Got acrylic nails (I did poke a straight pin through one of my nails to see how tough a finger nail really is. They really aren’t that tough, and there are a lot of nerve endings in the nail bed).

Ate a snail (I caught my son salting snails on my front doorstep one day watching them shrivel. I also paid my daughter a penny a snail to chuck them over the fence out of my back yard. She earned about a dollar that day. I guess I could have added my own butter and saved myself a buck!).

Went to jail (Although multiple family members have multiple times—but they got three square meals a day, a free toothbrush, and the streets were a little safer for awhile).

Had to make bail (I let the afore-mentioned family members wait it out and tell it to the judge).

Was ridden out of town on a rail (However, I was kicked out of the flea market in Cancun because my sister was too cheap, and I look and act a lot like her).

Nails, snails, jail, bail, rail…apparently I’m ail-ing today.

What have you never done?


Wicked-Sassy said...

Thanks for getting me to laugh out loud!

M-Cat said...

Never went to jail
Never made rail
Never been ridden out of town on a rail (although, I am going to add that to my bucket list)
Do have acrylic nails

And for you - I WOULD post bail. Just sayin

Rachael Renee Anderson said...

What a cute post! I love the rhymes and your Alphabet Soup book looks so fun! I'm excited to read it.

Lisa said...

When shall we do lunch? I enjoy your blog immensely. It always makes me laugh. You may have inspired me to do my blog. MommyofLight is mine.
Your cousin, Lisa

susan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
susan said...

I never owned a dog named Blackie? T/F you guess? Hope to see you at the Wedding, that's great! Thanks for the invite. I'm envious of course, he will have had 2 beautiful wives while some of my boys can't even claim that many Girlfriends!

Anonymous said...

Don't blame your cheapness on me! Half of your Alphbet Soup book is plagurized from things I said and have done. So put that in your diet coke and drink it.