Happy Birthday - You're Halfway Dead!

Today started out happy, jolly & nifty

I woke up alive on the day I turned fifty

My parts are still working though some are quite droopy

My jammies are clean and my sheets are not poopy my mind’s kind of loopy

My teeth are my own and I’m telling the whole truth

(Except for two implants, ten crowns, & gold bling tooth)

I got discount coupons for half-price hearing aids

Colonoscopy offers that make me afraid

Then the Diet Coke Fairy decided to come

With a HUGE Diet Coke in a super-size drum

I picked up a straw and attacked it with zeal

After 63 tries I realized it’s not real

I turned my attention to the big Hershey’s kiss

Another fake cut-out, now I’m feeling quite pissed amiss

Then I find bite-sized chocolate to calm down my nerves

And a six-pack of Diet Coke with Coke-bottle curves

Forget about ears and intestinal masses

It’s clear to me now that I really need glasses

Half-a-century old might mean I’m half-way dead

But I woke up this morning ALIVE in my bed!