3 Generations of Drama

My four-year-old granddaughter (DramaPrincess) loves to talk to me on the cell phone—long enough to ask if she can talk to one of my other children, D or S. (If they are perchance unavailable, she asks to talk to Gramp). In essence: I am the telephone operator of the household for the DramaPrincess.


Whilst on the phone today with my daughter (DramaQueen), her daughter was nagging her, demanding to know what my daughter and I were planning. My daughter ignored her for awhile, then DramaPrincess wanted to talk to me.

Here is how part of the conversation went:

DramaPrincess [demanding]: Let me talk to Gran

Me: I don’t want to talk to her if she’s just going to ask to talk to D or S

DramaQueen: Do you want to talk to Gran just so you can ask to talk to D or S?

DramaPrincess: Yes

DramaQueen: Then you can’t talk to Gran

DramaPrincess: Why?

DramaQueen: It makes Gran feel bad when you only talk to her so you can ask to talk to D or S

DramaPrincess: [exasperated] Ok. I’ll talk to her for 2 minutes

DramaQueen: That’s not long enough

DramaPrincess: [exaggerated sigh] Ok. I’ll talk to her for 10 minutes

Me: That will work

DramaQueen: Here’s Gran

DramaPrincess: Hi Gran!

Me: Why don’t you want to talk to me? Why are you such a stinker? Did you learn how to be such a stinker from your mom?

DramaPrincess: Yes. I learn everything from my mom. I’m just like her.

Me: You are just like her. But that’s a good thing. Your mom is a really good person to be just like.

DramaPrincess: And my mom is just like you.

Me: Thank you, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard all day!

DramaPrincess: You’re welcome. Can I talk to D or S now?

So, if my granddaughter is the DramaPrincess, and my daughter is the DramaQueen, what does that make me? I guess I’m the DramaMama. The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

(Challenge: I used whilst and perchance in the previous paragraphs—try to use one or both words conversationally today)

Today's mental forecast: Foggy with a slight chance of inspiration

Did you ever wonder why?

On every airline flight I hear the attendant announce “Please lock your tray tables and return your seat backs to the upright position.” This is repeated prior to take off and in preparation for landing.


Why? I mean, the seat only reclines 2.5 cm in the first place.

I did a little research and I found that there is an actual regulation concerning this very thing:

Do procedures prohibit an airplane from taking off or landing unless each passenger seat back is in the upright position, except as provided in 14 CFR part 121.311(e)(1-2)?


Note(s):  During takeoff and landing, seatbacks may be reclined provided:


• Seatbacks do not obstruct access to emergency exits. and


• Seatbacks do not obstruct any passenger’s access to the aisle or to any emergency exit when cabin seats are used for cargo or for persons unable to sit erect for medical reasons.


Updated: Rev # 3 on 09/15/2009
SRRs: 121.311(e)


Wait! Did that just say “seatbacks may be reclined provided…”

So it’s more of a suggestion then.

A regulation that would actually be more helpful would be:

“Passengers are prohibited from boarding an aircraft if…

1) The only use they have for a toothbrush is to scratch their backs; or

2) The fumes emanating from their pores exceed 2x the legal limit of alcohol, or

3) The last time the passenger showered was when he fell in the irrigation ditch last fall”

My seatmate on a recent flight would have failed all three tests. I prayed that the oxygen mask would fall from the compartment in the ceiling, but then realized that Mr. Stink next to me would have to lift his arms to get his mask, too. I recanted.

I was glad that my tray table was stowed, so access to my airsickness bag was not obstructed. Airsickness bags are not as big as they used to be. When the flight attendant came through the cabin one last time to collect “any remaining service items” she wasn’t expecting what I dropped in her trash bag. With my shirt pulled up to cover my nose and mouth to act as a filter for my burning lungs, I surreptitiously rolled my eyes in the direction of Mr. Stink. I was trying to place the blame where it belonged, but she didn’t take me seriously because my seat was not in the upright position in preparation for landing. Which caused me to question why, which led to this post, and the realization that, like stop signs in Mexico, the upright seat backs are more of a suggestion.

What do YOU want for Mother's Day?

My sister-in-law posted a list of gift ideas she wants for Mother's Day here. It is a list that suits her perfectly and I don't wish to gloat, but I already have at least one thing on her list (I'm not telling specifics--let's just say my bite is now worse than my bark!)

Since I'm the woman who has everything (my affirmation for the day), I only want one thing for Mother's Day...

(drum roll, please)

World Peace.

Oops. Typo.

I meant Whirled Peace. As in "Imagine Whirled Peace" the way Ben & Jerry's intended:
and I quote "caramel and sweet cream ice cream swirled with fudge peace signs and toffee cookie pieces"

Yummmmm!

Also, I had the pleasure to speak with Rebecca Cressman from yourldsneighborhood.com and with her interview skills, I almost sound like a normal mother. My teenage son listened to it and said "Wow, Mom, you almost had me fooled!" Check the interview out if you have a few minutes. You can listen to it, read it, print and frame it, or eat Ben & Jerry's ice cream with it. Very versatile.

What do you want for Mother's Day?

Happy Mother's Daze!

Before she ever became a parent, first-time author Jane Still was the “perfect mother”. In her new book Mother’s Daze Jane shares her hilarious wake-up calls as she evolves from pre-pregnancy perfection to the reality of being in perpetual mothers’ daze.


I laughed as I commiserated with her—from having to wear maternity clothes home from the hospital (I also faced that dilemma—but it never occurred to me to wear the bed sheet), to stashing dirty cloth diapers throughout the house so her frugal husband could “convince” her that disposable diapers were a bargain at any cost.

Mother’s Daze delivers laughs from gestation to lactation and beyond. This fun combination of motherhood and laughter makes this an ideal gift for any mother on Mother’s Day.

I had the opportunity to interview Jane Still:

(Okay, okay—I didn’t take the opportunity when I had it, so I just wrote it as I imagined it would be)

Terri: I’ve had a hard time catching up with you, Jane.

Jane: Me, too! I accidentally checked myself instead of my bag at the airport

Terri: Didn’t you freeze to death in the baggage compartment?

Jane: Fortunately, the plane lost a generator and they heard me clawing at the cargo door. I’m glad I didn’t bother doing my hair today.

Terri: You’ve traveled a lot lately. I saw you in Dayton at the Erma Bombeck Humor Writers’ workshop, in Provo at LDStorymakers’ Writers’ Conference, and now at Women’s Conference. I’ve seen you more than your family has. Have you spoken to your husband recently?

Jane: Homeland Security has my home number on speed dial now. They usually give me a minute to say “hello” to him.

Terri: Speaking of your husband, what does Rick think about your writing? Is he excited for your first book Mother’s Daze?

Jane: He likes the fact that I can’t talk while I write—he’s urging me to get to work on a sequel—a long sequel.

Terri: What would a sequel to Mother’s Daze be called?

Jane: I think Father’s Laze is appropriate when I remember how eager Rick was to change diapers—not!

Terri: How do you stay looking so fit and have so much energy?

Jane: I lost 35 lbs on Nutrisystem.

Terri: I thought it was the HCG diet?

Jane: That’s what I said.

Terri: Whichever it was, you look great!

Jane: You can lose weight too!

Terri: Did you just call me fat?

Jane: [Moos loudly, followed by a pig-like squeal]

Terri: Thank you, Jane [gives an injured sniff]

Jane: Hey, I’ve got to pick up product endorsements where I can to tide me over until the royalty payments roll in.

Terri: We have time for one more question. Jane, what advice would you give other mothers out there?

Jane: Skip over the parent part and go straight to being a grandparent. And check out my website.

Terri: Thanks Jane!

Happy Mother’s Daze everyone! You can get your own copy at Amazon.com or Cedarfort.com

(disclaimer: no actual Janes were used or harmed in this interview)

Avoiding 'Death by PowerPoint' (http://ping.fm/VJjwh)
As a rule, I try to avoid death by any means...but, PowerPoint seems an exceedingly dull way to die...