Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Die Blood-sucking Bedbugs!!!

Because I grossed everyone out by sharing my bedbug experience, I feel a moral and social obligation to share the eradication story with you as well. It is a long saga, as bedbugs are nasty, resistant little bloodsuckers, but maybe this will help someone who faces a similar problem:

Phase I - Discovery
1. I freaked out

2. Internet research

3. Scratched

4. Took pictures

5. Drank a Diet Coke

6. Disposed of mattress & boxsprings

7. More internet research

8. More scratching

9. Freaked out again

10. Drank another Diet Coke

11. Caught approx. 5 live blood-sucking specimens in a cup to serve as a control group

12. Named the control group members “Edward” “Carlisle” “Alice” “Jasper” “Esme” (a.k.a. The Cullens)

Phase II - Education
1. Made list of bedbug-killing chemicals that are safe to use in residences

2. Determined bedbugs came from a hotel in Page, AZ via my suitcase (found one still alive in my suitcase)

3. Searched every room in the house for evidence of infestation – appeared limited to my bedroom

4. Went to Lowe’s and asked young saggy-pants clerk about chemicals on my list

5. Saggy-Pants gave me a blank look, I said slowly “I NEED SOMETHING TO KILL BEDBUGS!”

6. Saggy-Pants replied, “Are you sure they are bedbugs?”

7. Gave Saggy-Pants a detailed description of bedbugs with photos and snickered as I walked away and he was scratching all over.

8. I scratched

9. Went to IFA (Intermountain Farmers Association)

10. Was introduced to Cykick CS and Nuvan Pro-Strips by two older guys who had both experienced bedbugs in their lives

11. Was assured by the two old guys that I was NOT A BAD HOUSEKEEPER (they haven’t seen my house!)

12. Had a Diet Coke.

Phase III - Destruction
1. Mixed up a Cykick CS (cyfluthrin) cocktail

2. Prepared Nuvan Pro-Strips

From Nuvan’s website:(Pests don’t have a chance near Nuvan® Prostrips®. They are the only product containing DDVP available to the professional pest management market for residential use)

3. Vacuumed room thoroughly (disposed of bag)

4. Washed every washable item in hot water & dried on “bacterial” setting

5. Threw away several items I couldn’t wash due to “gross out factor”

6. Sprayed all crevices, bed frame, night stands, dresser

7. Set the Cullens in center of the room

8. Activated Nuvan Pro-Strips

9. Sealed off room for seven days

10. Sprayed the rest of the house with Cykick-CS cocktail

11. Had a couple of Diet Cokes and premium chocolate


Phase IV - Adding to destruction
1. Checked on progress at least daily

2. Took about 4 days for all of the Cullens to die

3. After 6 days, wiped down walls & furniture with Cykick CS cocktail

4. Re-sprayed the entire room with Cykick CS cocktail

5. 7th day – aired out room; reassembled bed with new mattress & boxsprings

6. Installed mattress cover that is bed-mite proof & bedbug resistant


Phase V - Post "I hope I killed the bloodsuckers"
1. Subsequent days – check mattress every morning and night

2. Scratch

3. 3 days after reassembling everything, crawled around on the floor searching for bedbugs. Found one.

4. Freaked out

5. Pulled everything out from the walls again, moved nightstands & dressers

6. Found 6 bedbugs total on the floor – they were sluggish and slowmoving

7. Caught them in a cup

8. Named them “The Volturi”

9. Mixed up another Cykick CS cocktail (considered drinking a little of it myself)

10. Drank a Diet Coke

11. Sprayed the cup containing “The Volturi”directly, to satisfy my eradication energy burst

12. Sprayed the perimeter of the room, including under the nightstands & dressers again


Phase VI - Paranoia
1. Continue to check morning & night for evidence of bedbugs

2. None seen yet (approx. 10 days – knock on wood)

3. Drink some more Diet Coke and eat more chocolate as a preventative measure


Valora said...

I"m so praying for you! PRAYING for you! Can't do much more from my end. You must be totally creeped out! Poor baby! Hang in there! You are going to be so full of diet coke that no one will bite you ever again girl! All bad bugs must die!

Wicked-Sassy said...

SO hilarious. If we must endure Arizona transplants, might as well be able to laugh about it... also, I don't feel nearly as lame for choosing to camp when I I travel. Haven't picked up a bedbug yet :):):)

M-Cat said...

I am now most assuredly afraid to stay in a hotel. ICK!

Good job on the eradication. Especially the diet coke. The whole plan would have failed without it

Kellie said...

You killed the Cullens?! Bad, bad Terri. Bad! No Diet Coke for you!

Terri Ferran said...

Valora - Thanks for the prayers. I think the Diet Coke is what makes my blood so tasty.

Wicked Sassy - You need to drink Diet Coke!

M-Cat - Next trick in my arsenal - douse the bloodsuckers directly with Diet Coke (I know--what a waste of the brown bubbly, but I heard it will dissolve NAILS--which is why I have no nails in my stomach)

Kellie - And you thought the Cullens were immortal...Bwwahahahaha

Coca-Cola Company - YOU NEED TO PAY ME ROYALTIES OR A PROMO FEE FOR MY SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF DIET COKE! (I accept Pay-pay, Major Credit Cards, Cash, Checks, and--of course--Diet Coke and/or Chocolate)

Terri Ferran said...

Haha! I meant Paypal - not Paypay, although I might accept that too, if I can drink it through a straw!

Anonymous said...

Uggh, what a horrible situation. I'm glad you were able to find humor in it. I'm surprised you didn't drink more Diet Coke though.

stephanie said...

What?!! You too? The world MUST BE debugged! I'm serious...and scratching over here. We're in the middle of our battle right now!