Sunday, September 12, 2010

Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't let the Bedbugs bite!

What does this:
And this:

Have in common?

I hate them both.

HATE them.

There are some who never use the HATE word—I use it sparingly myself.

When it comes to pickles and me, the word is appropriate. I tell people I am allergic to pickles—they make me break out in vomit. The smell nauseates me and they are banned from my house. If my children must have a pickle, they travel to a distance not less than six blocks from me and beg them, door-to-door.

I have found nothing I hate more than pickles—except maybe pickle relish. The smell of a hot dog loaded with mustard, ketchup, and pickle relish is worse than an outhouse at a chili cook-off on the 4th of July.

Something now tops my HATE list—bedbugs.

Several seemingly unrelated issues have occurred over the past few weeks. I developed an itchy rash on my left shoulder that traveled down my arm on to my hands. In addition to the red splotches I started breaking out in hives, daily on both hands and arms.

I thought the abscess under tooth #18 had caused some reaction run amok, but after a thorough examination by my dentist, Dr. Extraction, it was only three abscesses and a vertical fracture on the root causing the radiating jaw pain.

Next came the blood marks on the sheets—TMI, you say? They were odd streaks, like someone digging at their hives in the night, only I didn’t have any scabs to show for it. (Maybe you should skip that paragraph you just read if you have a weak stomach.)

Then—the weird black marks surrounding the outline of my head on my pillows and sheets. Like a bizarre police-chalk outline of a body, my upper torso imprint was a stark white contrast surrounded by black specks. My husband had a not-quite-as-vivid imprint on his side of the bed.

We blamed our new, twin CPAP machines (blog and photos to follow at a later date). A couple of nights ago, we spent our twilight hours in a not-so-romantic game of examining the shiny silver boxes with attached hoses for black-speck-spewage. When we tired of that pastime, we checked each others’ ankles and calves for scabs to explain the new blood streaks across the bottom of the bed.

The bloodstains seemingly came from nowhere.

I covered my face with a tissue as I slept, hoping to catch some black ash as evidence. I blew off the tissue in the night, but “LO!” when I dug the tissue clump from the floor beside my bed I had an epiphany!

Here is a picture of the epiphany:

Ugly, isn’t it? Let me describe it to you: a mass of bed bugs scurrying in their own defecation to hide in the seams of my once-lovely pillow-top mattress after glutting themselves on my tasty blood.

The hives and rash on my arms: Allergic reaction to the myriad bed-bug bites on my upper torso

The black specks surrounding my head: Bed-bug poop trails

The red blood streaks on the sheets: Spots where we rolled over the little blood-engorged creatures as we slept.

Eeeeew!!!! Do you itch all over? I do!

So if you hate pickles, like I hate pickles (or something equally disgusting to you)


Bedbugs are worse!!!

Aren’t you glad I shared this?

Have a great day!


Kellie said...

Eeeeeeeeew!! It's a good thing I don't have a weak stomach. That is truly disgusting- another thing to add to my paranoia list- being eaten alive by bed bugs. I hope you are able to get rid of them soon!

Angela Morrison said...

Major ick! That's too disgusting--worse than our scorpions. At least with scorpions you know what hit you!

Wicked-Sassy said...

Whoa. Gross. Seriously.

Vicki said...

There was a story just yesterday morning on Sunday about bedbugs! It was very creepy! They had a few suggestions for getting rid of them. Where do you live again? They had a list of the top 10 places where there are bedbugs, and New York was #1! What are you going to do about them?

Valora said...

After having kids in the mission field I pray they dont' bring the bed bugs home!!!! How awful for you guys! I hear it's really hard to get rid of them once they move in. Hang in there!!!!!! {{{{{{quiver}}}}}}}} I thought getting skunked last weekend was!

M-Cat said...

What the? How did all this happen and how in hades did you get rid of them??

Alice Gibbons said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little, I am definitely checking all our mattresses, now! Sick!!!!

That One Guy said...

What the crap?! We live near you... :O

We'll start watching for them; as well as call the exterminator for another thorough spraying, even though we did a month or so ago. :)

Hope you're recovering nicely! That "bugs". *CACKLE!*